Saturday, June 9, 2007
A Gory Shawarma Story
we were getting one of our jaded, this day has been hell sort of tea time shawarmas at the Al Bake. these snack times consist of grave silences and blank stares, punctuated by Al bake's usual violences. One of these suddenly caught our attention.
'Mutton Shawarma!', someone to our right shouted out, 'mujhe mutton shawarma chahiye.'
for the unacquainted, this lebanese chophouse only offers chicken shawarmas.
the boy was doing his best, travelling more than the linguistic length from Lebanon to here, to convince him that mutton shwarmas didn't exist. there was the clanging of cleaver past making mince of meat on the pan in the background, with a rich garnish of expletives that expressed Oedipus Rex and other such disorders with an unnatural fervour.
'Kya bol raha hai', the man said, 'maine pichli baar hi mutton shawarma khaya tha.'
the boy smiled. a group of girls behind him followed suit. the tension broke and the man whipped out a country made and held it to the boy's face.
the cleaver stopped. the abuses stopped. like this was the crescendo they were building up to.
'hansi ura ta hai saale', the man said, 'ab hans.'
suddenly, the boy who was mincing the meat appeared behind the man, grabbed his hair and with a single swipe, took his head off.
there were no animesque spurts of blood like i had seen in Kill Bill. In fact, there was almost a placid calm about the man's headless body as it lolled onto his plate of shawarmas and animal cud they call mayonnaise. Abhinav, who was sitting across the table immediately went into denial.
the rest of the place soon returned to its conversations and petty violences. it was as if the man wasn't there.
except abhinav.
his number is +919810428071
call him up and he'll still deny it.
'Mutton Shawarma!', someone to our right shouted out, 'mujhe mutton shawarma chahiye.'
for the unacquainted, this lebanese chophouse only offers chicken shawarmas.
the boy was doing his best, travelling more than the linguistic length from Lebanon to here, to convince him that mutton shwarmas didn't exist. there was the clanging of cleaver past making mince of meat on the pan in the background, with a rich garnish of expletives that expressed Oedipus Rex and other such disorders with an unnatural fervour.
'Kya bol raha hai', the man said, 'maine pichli baar hi mutton shawarma khaya tha.'
the boy smiled. a group of girls behind him followed suit. the tension broke and the man whipped out a country made and held it to the boy's face.
the cleaver stopped. the abuses stopped. like this was the crescendo they were building up to.
'hansi ura ta hai saale', the man said, 'ab hans.'
suddenly, the boy who was mincing the meat appeared behind the man, grabbed his hair and with a single swipe, took his head off.
there were no animesque spurts of blood like i had seen in Kill Bill. In fact, there was almost a placid calm about the man's headless body as it lolled onto his plate of shawarmas and animal cud they call mayonnaise. Abhinav, who was sitting across the table immediately went into denial.
the rest of the place soon returned to its conversations and petty violences. it was as if the man wasn't there.
except abhinav.
his number is +919810428071
call him up and he'll still deny it.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Converse
On the way to work the other day, in an auto:
Ira: Bhaiya, aage se loge ya peeche se?
Bhaiya: Peeche jaam milega, aage se hi loonga.
Ira: Amen.
Ira: Bhaiya, aage se loge ya peeche se?
Bhaiya: Peeche jaam milega, aage se hi loonga.
Ira: Amen.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
PG 13
Standing in the queue of a supermarket... i couldnt help but notice something funny that i had to tell someone... think me weird for this...
There was this cute girl standing in the line for the counter next to me...i was checking her out...it was both ways i think...or so i hoped...
Anyway...there was this kid standing right behind her....couldnt have been more than four or five years old....little guy...grow up to be one horny pecker fsure...this kids been checking her out as much as i have been...freud, you were right...anyway...he reaches out to her ass and pats it...the girl is slightly taken aback, but coming from a kid...she acts a sport...the kids mother seems to busy chatting up another auntie in the line to notice..."Haan...shootout at lokhandwala ki tickets hi nahi milee..." the kids going bezerk by now... he seems to have got the first taste of carnal pleasure and can barely keep his hands away...
He starts groping the girl again, and carried away by the ecstacy of it all...rams his head Zidane style into her behind.
The girl lets out a little yelp...and i couldnt help but smirk...not too many others seemed to have noticed...anyway...the girls reaches the counter and pays...and the kid and his mom are next...the girl trots off at a hurried pace... and the kid has a somewhat disappointed look in his face tugs at his mothers fat hand...suddenly his eyes meet mine...and i'm kinda shocked when i saw the expression...that gleam could only mean one thing...for all men of all ages....its like he was telling me..."Man! i almost had that piece of ass!"
I wanted to reach out and strike him. Horny bastard.
There was this cute girl standing in the line for the counter next to me...i was checking her out...it was both ways i think...or so i hoped...
Anyway...there was this kid standing right behind her....couldnt have been more than four or five years old....little guy...grow up to be one horny pecker fsure...this kids been checking her out as much as i have been...freud, you were right...anyway...he reaches out to her ass and pats it...the girl is slightly taken aback, but coming from a kid...she acts a sport...the kids mother seems to busy chatting up another auntie in the line to notice..."Haan...shootout at lokhandwala ki tickets hi nahi milee..." the kids going bezerk by now... he seems to have got the first taste of carnal pleasure and can barely keep his hands away...
He starts groping the girl again, and carried away by the ecstacy of it all...rams his head Zidane style into her behind.
The girl lets out a little yelp...and i couldnt help but smirk...not too many others seemed to have noticed...anyway...the girls reaches the counter and pays...and the kid and his mom are next...the girl trots off at a hurried pace... and the kid has a somewhat disappointed look in his face tugs at his mothers fat hand...suddenly his eyes meet mine...and i'm kinda shocked when i saw the expression...that gleam could only mean one thing...for all men of all ages....its like he was telling me..."Man! i almost had that piece of ass!"
I wanted to reach out and strike him. Horny bastard.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
